The journey to discovering and evolving in purpose truly is an unfolding of twists, turns and in summary, a walk of faith. If my life was a movie, we’ve probably just finished watching the scenes of God turning the formless clay into a beautiful piece of artwork. And starting to see the various ways this masterpiece exists not just as an object of admiration and interest but to live up to the expectations of the Maker, as a vessel unto honor.
As vague as the earliest memories of my late teen years have become, I still remember the depth of groaning in my spirit during that phase. It had started out as a sense of dissatisfaction. Some faces and places I always knew to be home didn’t offer the same value anymore. And I tried to contain it, until it became a burning bush I couldn’t ignore anymore. I was almost halfway through Medical School at this point and did my best to keep up with commitments but soon enough, I realized I was running on reserve. Nothing felt the same anymore. I wondered if my sensors were the problem or everything was just as bland as it felt. In an effort to understand why, I instinctively went on my knees. My prayers were typically open-heart sessions and they were always centered around becoming more of the woman God wants me to be. The more I meditated, the more the thoughts flooded. Journaling became second nature, in hopes that the dots would connect in the process. This went on for quite sometime. When my pleas didn’t seem to elicit any obvious response, my restlessness turned into a groaning desire-like a person starving. You’d probably expect that my breakthrough was near but that was the point God sent what I see now to be an answer. Almost everything built around my comfort started to crumble. That was my first experience belting adult life challenges and it shook me to the core. It felt like God overestimated my strength and gave me double the cross I could carry. Just when I felt I couldn’t take it anymore, another weight would be added to my burden.
They say, sometimes you think you’ve been buried but you’ve been planted. This was the case for me. There were days my prayers were just tears. No words could convey the depth of my pain. But in spite of how low I felt, I had to hold unto something positive because I knew no matter how deep the valley, the mountain would eventually surface. So, I kept trusting, hoping, taking one more stroke to stay afloat. Someway, somehow, the storms eventually ceased. I began to approach the shore and that gave me courage to keep going. With the sense of hope and clarity I received from constant meditation, I could now easily understand the message when I caught a glimpse of the rainbow. In the test of learning to survive while wading the waters, something was birthed. Something I truly couldn’t define at the time but eventually became the manure for the expression of my purpose. Willing myself to sit still in the middle of what sometimes felt like hell unveiled strength I may never find in the pages of an inspirational book. I experienced that resilience has no elastic limit for a made-up mind and that your food is as large as your appetite meaning, the more you hunger and thirst, the more you’ll receive.
Life has taken me far beyond the shore but there’s no denying that every step has been significant to where I find myself today. My path is still unfolding and until I take my last breath, it will continue to. God’s times of moulding, purifying and glazing over the years have taken different forms but the common denominator is always the aura that precedes it – the sudden dissatisfaction in the midst of comfort and answered prayers. Every now and again, when I wonder what my like will look like or how I’ll get to where I hope to be in the next few years, without a clue as to how to go about it, I’m reassured by the testimony of how I’ve made it this far.
This I know, not just for myself but for anyone with a burden, a longing, a desire. God who has been faithful to plant it in you will unfold it within you, one knot at a time. All you have to do is avail and prepare yourself for the journey ahead. How?
Deep calls unto deep. Immerse yourself in prayer and the word. There are answers that can only be gotten through the revelation and divine favour of God. If you’re willing to pay the price, God is ever ready to unveil Himself to you.
Foresight. You don’t wait till you’re hungry before you start planning for your next meal. With the little you know about where you’re headed, find out what you need to be efficient when you get there and start working on it now.
Be faithful to the course you’re currently on. Don’t despise your seemingly meager beginning. For it is your faithfulness in little that determines your faithfulness in much.