Waking up each morning, working up a positive attitude before walking out the door, saying hello to the petty trader down the street, oh and maybe that stranger who takes the same route as you do, showing up to work ready to get the job done, coming home just in time to have a chit chat with family before dawn, asking the little questions that make not-so-little conversations around the dinner table— How was your day? What did you enjoy the most about today? What would you like as a gift for your birthday next week?— caring to listen for the response and hear the unspoken paragraphs between the lines. Later on, before your eyelids start to flutter, you lay in bed reminiscing on the day’s events, evaluating responses and reactions—yours as well as theirs, considering questions of value, of right or wrong, guilt or innocence and of knowing or ignorance. Beneath it all, there’s a simple prayer—a silent hope that when the rubber hits the road, when your name is mentioned behind closed doors, it is for something meaningful, positive, in context of the values that have shaped your choices, relationships, words and deeds.
Would you disagree with the thought that in a lot of ways, the fight against compromise—of values and virtue,— feels a lot like struggling to survive? In pursuit of purpose amidst guilty pleasures, as a Christian surrounded by demons and distractions, as a clean slate navigating murky waters, you’re almost always watching your back, careful with each step, scrutinizing yourself for the ‘I’s to dot and ’T’s to cross or whatever other thing needs a proactive measure. With that, you’re in line, or so it seems until you’re tempted to pause and ask— What does it matter? What does it all amount to? Does my presence really make a difference? Two, three, generations later, what will be the mark of my existence? The resolve we carry within us, is it worth holding onto?
There’s this story of a man and his grandson held hostage at gun point, where the villain took their valuables and also demanded access to their safe box. The grandfather knowing what was in there said ‘My grandson can open it’. The young lad went over, punched in the code and saw the contents of the safe. He closed it shut, turned around and said ‘You’d have to kill us both to get what’s in there’. You’re probably wondering what was in the safe. It could have been $50 or $50,000, their grandmother’s ashes or a family document, a priceless jewelry or an antique piece passed down through generations. It really doesn’t matter what was in it. What is rather worthy of note is that they could recognize when a handshake had become a firm grip for battle. The robbery had become a fight—to death. You can guess who was the last man standing.
It’s easy to lose sight of what is non-negotiable. Be flexible, move with the tides, evolve as circumstances demand, so they say. But without limits, we risk losing touch with who we are and blending into the crowd. We all have a safe box within us, designed for the best parts of us—our identity, values, integrity, principles, family, emotions, self worth, parts of us that are off-limits, standards and boundaries we won’t negotiate. Some of us have converted our safe to a charity box—without protection or cover, ready to dish out to any and everyone who asks. As a result, we’ve become exhausted, stripped out, stretched too thin, bleeding on the people we’ve been assigned to.
One thing about life? It’ll keep taking from you so long as you keep giving. Same goes for people. Iyanla Vanzant once stated— ‘You don’t bend over to pour into someone. Your overflow can water others but the content of your cup is for you.’ Anything that comes at the expense of what’s within you is too expensive to keep. It is often said that until you love yourself fully, you will not be able to properly and wholly love another. In the same way, until you understand what it means to defend yourself and preserve what is yours, you will be incapable of holding space for your brothers and sisters. This implies that your relationships are sabotaged, your purpose is at risk and your bed of peace can be snatched from under you any minute.
In the dead of winter and the stillness of autumn, in the dirt of the valleys and amidst teary whispers of difficult moments, it is what is left in your safe that will carry you through to the bliss of summer and the fertility of spring. That safe is the manure for your dreams and goals. It is your anchor when the people and places you once knew to be home come and go. It is your compass through the wilderness to the promised land. When life happens and all your external securities are taken from you, it is the one thin rope you can rely on to pull you back to the surface. That part of you that should never be put on sale no matter the price the bidder is willing to pay. When push comes to shove, you’d rather have your back on the ground and your life on the line than give in to the pressure. Take a moment to sit and reflect. What is in your safe? What values have been your building blocks? Have these values been honorable? Have they been integral? Has your character been consistent? What standards did you once promise yourself to abide by? Is there a criteria before gaining access to you? Have you lived up to God’s expectations of you as His child?
Perhaps you find yourself drifting towards the negative extreme of the spectrum. You woke up one day and realized that there’s a void within you—in the shape of your birthright. And with the waters that have gone under the bridge, in the struggle to survive, in the crave for some measure of pleasure, in the hustle for daily bread, its hard to decipher when and and to whom you even traded it to. Still, there’s a chance at redemption. Time and again, God has proven that He can truly lift a man from dirt and mould him into a masterpiece. He can do the same with you if you’re willing to build your safe around Him.
We’re all a work in progress but each little act of resolve strengthens our core. God is keen on men who can stand firm on the 1% they can trust than chase after the glittering but unreliable 99%. By honoring God, yourself and your values, the person next to you is empowered to do the same and it goes on to create a ripple effect. What’s in your safe isn’t just for you. It’s the legacy you leave for those who come after you. So when the pressures of life demand more than you’re willing to give, remember that no matter what it costs to say No, you will be just fine.
Matthew 16:26 NKJV – For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?